C-ing I Dog
Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.
"Just watch me and follow my lead," he said.
He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, "I'm sorry but I can't let you in here."
The guy looked at the bartender and asked, "Why not?"
The bartender replied, "Well, we don't allow dogs into the bar."
"But this is my seeing eye dog," the guy said.
"Oh, I'm sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever."
The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can't let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.
"But this is my seeing eye dog," said the second guy.
The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, "Sir, ah... um... a Chihuahua?"
The man looked a little puzzled and then said, "What? They gave me a Chihuahua?"
A One question IQ Test
There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Think about it first before reading the answer.
He opens his mouth and says: "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses."
Only In America
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes and candy bars at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. While contemplating surgery for being too fat.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Plus hire a rent a cop with a gun that would make Barney Fife look like Dirty Harry.
Only in America...... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Don't forget screws in three's and nails by the dozen.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Ever Wonder ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I am a senior citizen.
I am a senior citizen.
During the Clinton administration I had an extremely good and well-paying job. I took numerous vacations and had several vacation homes. Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse.
I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War. I lost my homes. I lost my health insurance. As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless.
Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living this way, instead of helping me, they arrested me. What am I going to do now President Bush has been elected for a second term? It would have been different if the Democrats had been in the White House.
I just thought you and your readers would like to know how one senior citizen views the Bush Administration.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.