by Joe Kirkpatrick
This month's column is basically a reprint of a column I did a couple of years ago. With Halloween just around the corner, I thought it is an appropriate time to run it again.
Several years ago, I was appalled when a group of women from several local churches tried to ban Halloween in our fair city. They claimed Halloween was demonic, and our children did not need to be exposed to it. You know what I thought about this? I thought these women were a bunch of hypocrites!
Think about what Halloween is: You fix yourself up so you don't look like you usually do, and then you go and beg for stuff. Duh! Any man who has ever lived with a woman for any length of time knows that a woman does that every day. In fact, you go to bed and your wife is really looking good. Then, evidently at some point afterwards, she washes off all that paint and body putty. You then wake up the next morning and look at someone with a face like Freddy Krueger. Talk about Halloween!
But, unfortunately, it doesn't stop there. When a woman fixes herself up "extra special" for you, the "Trick or Treat" part of Halloween is about to begin. When she begins to act out of character, like acting all affectionate and nice toward you, and maybe even fixing your favorite supper, you better watch out! You're not sure what is coming, but you know it's going to be something like "I need money for shopping," to "I really would like a new car."
All of us guys know if you don't give her the treat she's asked for, "tricks" are going to be a big part of your near future!
Speaking of shopping, I'm usually pretty good at analyzing the actions of people, but I missed this one. I have to credit my good friend Bob George for figuring out women and shopping. Bob told me one day, "You know, women don't go shopping to spend money - they go shopping to save money." He's right! Instantly, I remembered how every time my wife comes from shopping, it's always "Look what I bought - all of this was marked down 50% or more."