"Tenjooberrymuds"

By the time you read through this you will understand "Tenjooberrymuds"...

In order to continue getting-by in America, we all need to learn the New English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "Tenjooberrymuds".
With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...
The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I... don't think so."
Room Service: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
Room Service: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
Room Service: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."
Room Service: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
Room Service: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."
Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
Room Service:
"Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I said "By the time you read through this you will understand 'Tenjooberrymuds.....and you do, don't you!

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine.
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches, and pains.
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it.
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time.
If you can overlook when people take things out on you, when, through no fault of yours something goes wrong.
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment.
If you can face the world without lies and deceit.
If you can conquer tension without mental help.
If you can relax without liquor.
If you can sleep soundly every night.
Then.... you are probably the family dog.

Baptizing a drunk

A man was stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he came upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeded to walk into the water and bumped into the preacher. The preacher turned around and, though almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, asked the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The Drunk answered, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabbed the drunk and dunked him in the water. Then he pulled him up and asked him, "Brother have you found Jesus?" The drunk replied, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunked him into the water again, for a little longer. Then again, he pulled him out and asked, "Have you found Jesus my brother?" The drunk again answered, "No, I haven't found Jesus." By this time the preacher was at his wits end so he submerged the drunk once more, and held him down for about 30 seconds until he began kicking his arms and legs, whereupon he pulled him up. The preacher again asked the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?" The drunk wiped his eyes and caught his breath and finally said to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

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