The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland Tennessee (TN) and Bradley County Tennessee (Tn).





Of Bradley County Tn.


NOVEMBER  2003

                            The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland and Bradley County Tn.

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Things You Didn't Know
That You Didn't Know

All the jokes and funny stories in this section were sent to The People News by our readers. If you come across a "funny" or something you feel may be suitable, please e-mail to ThePeopleNews@aol.com and we will try to include it in an upcoming issue

Hymns For Sale

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so exited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back, shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him,  and him and him."

Best American bumper sticker...

If you can read this, thank a teacher....
If you are reading it in English, thank a veteran!

Globalization Question

What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a Canadian, using Bill Gates' technology using one of the IBM clones that utilize Taiwanese-made chips, and Korean-made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by trucks driven by Indians, shipped in Greek ships which were unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen.
That is the definition of Globalization.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

One old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
A youth she's content to leave behind...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
A set of screwdrivers, cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
One friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
A feeling of control over her destiny...

And More

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and when to walk away...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood may not have been perfect... but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...  a year...

The jokes on this page were sent to The People News by our readers.

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