Believe it or not

My friend Mark told me his aunt died owing a credit card company nothing but after some time the "annual service charge" kept getting added until the balance climbed to $65.39. He called them to report her death and says it went like this:
Mark: Calling to tell you this party died
CCCo: The account was never closed and the charges still apply.
Mark: Maybe you should turn it over to collections.
CCCo: It already has been.
Mark: What will they do when they find out she's dead?
CCCo: Maybe report it to fraud or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both.
Mark: Did you get what I was telling you... the part about her being dead?
CCCo: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.
Mark: Calling to tell you this party died.
Sup: The account was never closed so late fees and charges still apply.
Mark: Against her estate?
Sup: Could you fax us a certificate of death?
Mark: Sure (fax is sent).
Sup: Our system is just not set up for death.
Mark: I guess you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.
Sup: I don't know anything else I can do to help. The late fees still apply.   
Mark: Would you like her new billing address?
Sup: That might help.
Mark: Odessa Cemetery. Highway 129, plot number 744.
Sup: Sir, that's a cemetery.
Mark: What do you do with dead people on your planet?

Weird and wonderful complaints by British tourists... London Daily Mail

"No one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
"The brochure stated 'No hairdressers at the accommodation.' We're trainee hairdressers, will we be OK staying here?"
"It took us nine hours to fly to Jamaica from England - It only took the Americans three hours."
"I compared the size of our one bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
"I was bitten by a mosquito - no one said they could bite."
"We booked an excursion to the water park but no one told us we had to bring our swimsuits and towels."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room and we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you put us in the rooms that we booked."
And finally, from a holiday-maker in Spain. "There were too many Spanish people, the receptionist spoke Spanish, the food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

New Pants

"Nice threads, man. Where'd you pick 'em up?"
"My old lady got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"
"I'll say. What was the occasion?"
"Got me. I came home from work early the other day and there they were, hanging over the chair in the bedroom."

Mr. Smith's dilemma

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.
The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a big problem. When we sent the  samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible!"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for  AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."
"That is terrible! Can we do the test over?"
"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now ?"
"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."