Actually written in church bulletins !!
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson
Aig - What a hen lays
Aints - He's got aints in his paints
Arn - Ma's tard of arnin
Bag - He bagged her to marry him
Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence
Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
Bub - the light bub burned out
Cheer - What you set in
Crick - A small stream
Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon
Chiny - country over in Asia
Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes
Coffin - Peggy Sue gotta cold and has some bad coffin spells
Core - He got hisself a new Ford core
Cyow - Animal on Farm
Deppity - He helps out the shurf
Dim - Look at dim harses
Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt
Dainz - Satidy night social
Ellum - A graceful tree
Fanger - What you put your rang on
Faince - Whats round the hawg lot
Far - Those Farmen put out that far
Furred - He got furred from his job
Flar - A rose is a purdy flar
Frash - Them aigs ain't frash
Furiners - All non-'bamans
Further - Hits ten miles further to town
Gimme - Gimme some dinner
Grain - She was grain with envy
Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain
Hail - Where bad folks go
Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n
Hilbilly - People in the next county
Hollar - Whats between the hills
Laymun - A sour fruit
Laig - Most folks have two of them
Lather - What you climb up
Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin
Mailk - what you get from cyows
Mere - What you see your self in
Minners - Live bait
Misrus - Married Woman
Nar - Opposite of wide
Nayk - Your head sets on it
Nup - No
Orrel - Them hinges need orrel
Ormy - What the sojers go in
Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin
Pank - A light red color
Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow
Petition - What separate the rooms
Poke - A paper bag or sack
Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in
Puppet - What the preacher is in
Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher
Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig
Rang - You wear it on your fanger
Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts
Rye cheer - I was born rye cheer in town
Rainch - A big cow farm
Rat - Do it rat now!
Rench - Rench the soap yourself
Roont - She plum roont her shoes
Salary - A stringy vegetable
Salit - A green vegetable
Soardeens - Small canned fish
Shar - A light rain
Sprang - Water out'n the ground
Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail
Storch - This here aprn has to much storch in it
Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death
Tar - His core blew a tar
Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart
Tho - Tho me the ball
Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat
Usetocoud - She usetocoud do dim splits
War - A bobbed war fance
Winder - Close the winder Dean!
Wimmie - I'm goin to town. Wanna go wimmie?
Worsh - Go worsh your face
Warter - What you worsh your face in
Yurp - A continent overseas