The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland Tennessee (TN) and Bradley County Tennessee (Tn).





Of Bradley County Tn.


MARCH  2008

                            The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland and Bradley County Tn.

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Things You Didn't Know
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How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity

At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom and don't disguise your voice. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophet Jimmy." Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way. Don't use any punctuation. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in stall 3." Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!" When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!" Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." Every time you see a broom yell, "Honey, your mother is here!"
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The jokes on this page were sent to The People News by our readers.

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