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Got it made here- Letter from a southern child in Marine boot camp.
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Gail.
Listen to your Doctor
Elizabeth was a 85 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Edward. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Edwards's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Elizabeth was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee!
Can you help?
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband that's against the law and I'll lose my license and they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not, you can not have any cyanide!"
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: "Well, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Anniversary
A woman woke up during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs to look for him. She found him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watched as he wiped a tear from his eye and took a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispered as she stepped into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looked up from his coffee. "I'm just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he asked solemnly. The wife was touched to tears, grateful that her husband was so caring, so sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replied. The husband paused. His words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued, "And do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too," she replies softly. Finally he wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."
Smile
Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school, and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.
Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile. Another and another were to follow quickly each with the little girl looking at the streak of light and smiling.
When the mother's car drew up beside the child she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping? The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty, God keeps taking my picture!"
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