Don't Mess With Mom

My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today, The "Children's Bill of Rights."
It says I need not clean my room, don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head, and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want, and pierce my tongue and nose.
I can read and watch just what I like, and get tattoos from head to toes.
And if you ever spank me, I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges, with the marks on my behind.
Don't you ever touch me, my body's only for my use.
Not for your hugs and kisses, that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals, like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control, and it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights, so you can't influence me,
Or I'll call Children's Services Division, better known as C. S. D.
Of course my first instinct was to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully, I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face, he's messing with a pro.
The next day I took him shopping at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him,"Pick out all you want, there's shirts and pants galore.
I've called and checked with C. S. D. who said they didn't care-
If I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs.
And I've canceled that appointment to take your driver's test.
The C. S. D. is unconcerned so I'll decide what's best.
I said "No time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own sack lunch."
Just save the raging appetite, and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions, a favorite dish of mine.
He asked "Can I please rent a movie, to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV, to put new tires on my car."
I also rented out your room, you'll take the couch instead.
All the C. S. D. requires is a roof for over your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now, and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get, will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski, dirt-bike and roller blades.
Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights", it's in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying, and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out, instead of C. S. D..?

Republican and Democrat

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.

Can You See Me Now?

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came  and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down > just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.