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Go Figure!
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
Lord's prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
10 Commandments: 179 words.
Gettysburg address: 286 words.
Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
Sad Story
A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?" The man replies, "Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." "Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?" "No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."
Understanding wife
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STSs in the garage, and no more country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes, but the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. "Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. The wife replies, "Ours is prettier."
Childhood innocence
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs." Her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of behavior in our garden."
Sent To Bed
An irritated father complained to his golf buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" his friend asked. "I send him to MY room!"
Military Computer
The US has succeeded in building a $1 billion super-computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: Attack or Retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
Drink & Drive
A sign on Washington's Route 8, featuring an illustration of a police car with lights flashing, reads, "If you drink and drive, we'll provide the chasers."
Wife's love
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your enormous sense of humor."
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