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It makes you think
I have destroyed more men than all the wars of all nations combined.
I massacre millions of people each and every generation.
I have wrecked more homes than all other causes known to you.
I cause the downfall of the greatest civilizations in history.
I spare no one.
My victims are rich and poor, young and old, strong and weak.
I do not respect color or creed.
Children shall know me to their eternal sorrow.
I cast my shadow over every thought of man.
I hide in unseen places and I go about my work silently.
You have been warned of my presence, but you do not listen.
I never sleep and I am everywhere you are.
You cannot hide from me.
Illness, revulsion, disease and death follow me and are my friends.
I will give you nothing.
I will take everything you have and then seek more.
I will cause you to turn away from all you once believed in.
I will blind your eyes to the sins of your elected leaders.
Once allowed inside, seldom am I asked to leave.
America, allow me to give you rest.
I will take away any concern for individual responsibility.
I will bring you bliss.
I am your friend.
I am Apathy.
French poodle
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong *itch out the window."
Easy to follow directions
A sign in the local Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. "Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. "After months of careful and painstaking research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed.
"Please follow the appropriate steps below for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
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FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25 Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
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