|
Tennessee Fisherman
Recently, a game warden stopped a Tennessee hillbilly, with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its good fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, suh... I ain't got none of them thar licenses... No.. Nooo. Ya gotts' tuh understand, these here are my PET fish !"
"Pet fish?" said the game warden.
"Yay'uhh... Ever night I take these here fish down to da lake and let em swim a'roun for a while. Then, I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest... and I take them home."
"That's a bunch of HOOEY! Fish can't do that!" says the warden.
The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr. Government man, I'll show ya. It really works!"
"Okay," said the game warden, "I've GOT to see this!"
The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, " Well?"
"Well, WHAT?" axed the hillbilly !
The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?"
The hillbilly said, "Call WHO back?"
"The FISH !" replied the warden!
"WHAT FISH?" answered the hillbilly.
Real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district... (spellings have been left intact.)
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s. [note: words in ( )'s were crossed out].
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept billie home because she had t o go christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't ! be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Alabama fan
A family of Tennessee football supporters heads out to the mall one Saturday to do some Christmas shopping. While in the sports store in the mall, the son picks up a Alabama jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Alabama fan and I would like this for Christmas."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly kicks him in the leg and says, "Go talk to Mom!"
Off goes the little lad with the Alabama jersey in hand and finds his mother.
"Mom?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Alabama fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas."
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks her son in the head and says, "Go talk to your father!!"
Off he goes with the Alabama jersey in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Alabama fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas."
The father is outraged and promptly slaps his son in the face and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT THING!"
About half an hour later, they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
The son replies, "I've only been a Alabama fan for an hour and I already hate you Tennessee people!"
Who's colored
When I born, I black.
When I grow up, I black.
When I go in sun, I black.
When I cold, I black.
When I scared, I black.
When I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black.
You white folks....
When you born, you pink.
When you grow up, you white.
When you go in sun, you red.
When you cold, you blue.
When you scared, you yellow.
When you sick, you green.
When you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray.
|
|
