by J. B. Griffin III.

Most drivers don't care.  They just want the  thing to run right. Occasionally, though, a customer will expect, or rather require, us to

give an impromptu and in-depth explanation of how the thing works, why it broke, of how I know what the solution to his problem  really is and, most importantly, how much (down to the penny) is it going to  cost to fix it?  All this is usually punctuated by the question, "Is that the price with the tax?"

In this situation it is futile to refer to the repair manual for information to reinforce the hypothesis which you must now formulate.  I've tried.  It always ends the same way.  Invariably  this type of customer also possesses a healthy mistrust of the engineers who build  these things, and, you see, these same engineers are the ones who write all  those factory manuals.  They probably want you to spend a lot of unnecessary time and needlessly replace parts fixing cars.  Besides,

everybody knows the best mechanics don't need to read all that stuff to fix  cars. 

It is best to be on your toes and have a clear  mind when approaching all customers.  You never know when you will be  tested.  The most practiced inquisitors begin by laying innocent-sounding traps in the

conversation as they begin circling the prey in an ever-tightening spiral.  Let us listen in momentarily to one  of these encounters.

Crafty Customer: (innocently) Can you figure out why my Taurus is overheating?

Mighty Mech: I think I can, sir.  Is it leaking coolant?

CC: No! and that is what has me puzzled.

MM: Have you checked the radiator?

CC: (Confidently) Yes, I removed it and had it tested at the  radiator shop.  I also replaced the thermostat and the intake gasket.  I put cardboard under where I park it and there is no sign of leakage anywhere.  What else can you do to figure this out.

MM:  Well, sir, I can think of a few more things.  One, it could be the water pump.  They don't always leak externally.  What happens is that the impeller that circulates the coolant completely wears away on the  inside and then it can't circulate.

CC: (Springing the trap)  Are you sure?  I've never  heard of that, so, naturally, it makes me think that you are an idiot.  I rather believe you are just trying to sell me a part I may not need.

MM: Well, we can remove it and see.

CC:  (pressing the attack)  And what if you're wrong?  Surely you wouldn't think of charging me for your  own incompetence.

MM:  Yes sir, I will have to charge you for the whole amount of time it requires to diagnose your problem.  If that is not it, then we may have to think about a potential head gasket problem, or a malfunctioning electric  fan, or a restricted exhaust system, or incorrect ignition timing or even a faulty radiator cap.

CC: (beginning to feel a loss of control lashes out  blindly)  Why do they have to make these things so complicated?  My father could fix anything with baling wire and he never finished the third  grade!  These engineers are all working on behalf of the big oil companies!  (calming slightly) What's it going to cost to  straighten this thing out?

MM: Probably around $300.

CC: (deflated now yet true to form)  Does that include  tax?

JB Griffin is an ASE Certified Master Technician.  He owns and  operates JB's Japanese and American Auto Repair in Evensville, Tennessee.  You may e-mail your car questions to jeepster1515@yahoo.com
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