by Greg Cain

Let me tell you what I heard from John Kerry at the Democrat National Convention.  Because the "would be" future president is so concerned with the security and safety of the nation, he delivered an acceptance speech using a very secure code. Not knowing the special encryption code has caused great confusion within the Republican Party, the Democrats and a few very interested Muslims.

Here are some of the reasons why I was so impressed with what John Kerry said at the Democrat National Convention.  After all the horn blowing by individuals who were financially indebted to the party, the next presidential hopeful John Kerry addressed the convention and the nation on what he would do when elected. I have broken the topic in to specific areas to help in the understanding of the information.

Social Security - I will appoint a select Senate committee to study the entire problem and make sweeping recommendations to improve. This has never been attempted before and may take at least two terms in the White House.
National Medical Program - I will ask Senator Hilary Clinton to personally supervise a complete overhaul of the nations medical systems. Once the nation has a chance to see how much better they will be with "Hilary Care," there will be a vast social outcry to insure that every citizen lives forever.

Court Reform - I will ask Vice President John Edwards to personally supervise a complete over haul of the entire national court systems. With his new tort laws there will finally be reason for rejoicing at the ACLU. The profession of law will once again become an honorable one.

Race Relations - I will ask Senator Robert Byrd to supervise a series of national rallies to recruit more minorities into the Klan. 
National Defense - because of my vast personal experience, of close to 4 months in Viet Nam, leading massive armies into battle, I will personally take charge of the nation's defense. My first order will be to immediately direct that every military uniform have a United Nations patch sewn on the left sleeve. With this one action other nations will immediately respect the forces of the United States. Our troops will no longer need to carry heavy weapons because all other nations will know that we mean them no harm. I will also direct the United Nations Flag to be flown above the American Flag on all national property.  This will show our immigrants that we really care about their native lands as well as we do about our own.

Education - I will ask Senator Kennedy to completely re-write the nations education system. Major points he will be focusing on will be the elimination of student psychological problems because of perceived failures. Senator Kennedy will assemble the top educator union officials to write new rules and regulations for the school systems to follow. Because of the importance of this subject we will spare no cost to the local school systems.

Minimum Wage - I will immediately ask congress to establish a national wage for all workers. This national wage will become a cap for everyone.  All will be paid equally,  no matter what he does or how much he produces. At the same time, I will require the congress to establish a board of review that must approve any increased in cost of goods and services throughout the nation. When the nation finally gets control of its economy, its social problems will immediately go away.

Unemployment - I will ask my friends in congress to reduce the number of hours an individual can work in one week to 20 hours. In this way the wealthy corporations will have to hire twice as many new employees to accomplish the same work. This has worked in France and Europe and will work in the United States as well.

So my friends, you can see that I take my responsibility to vote very, very seriously. These are just a few of the reasons I have decided to seriously think about voting for John Kerry. Now that I have completed my somber consideration of what "John" has to offer, I will sleep very comfortably voting for George W. Bush.