The Godfather

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.  When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

What I Learned About Hurricanes in Florida in 2004

1. Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.
2. No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without electricity.
3. Kids can survive 4 plus days without a video game controller in their hands.
4. Cats are really irritating without power.
5. He who has the biggest generator wins.
6. Women can actually survive without doing their hair -- you just wish they weren't around you.
7. A new method of non-lethal torture - showers without hot water. This is for the lucky ones on city water. If you have a well and no generator, it's time to bathe in the pool!
8. TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.
9. A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey frozen for 8 more hours.
10. There are a lot of trees around here.
11. Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong.
12. Contrary to most Florida natives' beliefs, the speed limit on roads without traffic lights does not increase.
13. Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required to keep your house standing, and during wind surges becomes flying weapons.
14. Just because you're over 21 doesn't mean you can stay out as late as you want. At least that's what the cops told me during a curfew stop.
15. Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.
16. People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.
17. When required, most any vehicle will float--doesn't steer well, but floats just the same.
18. Hurricanes do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.
19. Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.
20. Cell phones sometimes work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.
21. Twenty-seven of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!
22. Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume.
23. If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and generators.I'd be rich.
24. The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a hurricane.
25. Your water front property can quickly become someone else's fishing hole.
26. Tree service companies are under appreciated.
27. MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30% higher electric bill ?????