by Mel Griffith
Someone has finally discovered the inspiration for Al Gore's climate change campaign. According to Dr. William Happer, a professor at Princeton University, The Aztecs of Mexico were worried about climate change around 1500. Based on the best available information, the Aztec equivalent of Al Gore and his cronies determined that 20,000 human sacrifices per year to the climate gods would be necessary to keep the sun shining, rain falling and crops growing. Actually, their information was probably about as reliable as Al's is.
The plan obviously worked because the sun kept shining, the rain falling and the crops growing. If anybody wondered what would happen without the sacrifices, he probably kept his doubts to himself, for fear of becoming one of the sacrifices. After all, the best minds of the time had reached a definite conclusion. How could it possibly be wrong? But just as Al prefers to live in an energy-hogging mansion and flit around the world by private jet, the Aztecs weren't big on personal sacrifice, preferring to capture members of neighboring tribes to serve as the actual sacrifices. Unfortunately, capturing the necessary sacrifices tended to make the Aztecs unpopular with their neighbors, who failed to share their concern for preventing climate change.
Consequently, when the Spaniards showed up, their neighbors gladly helped the invaders wipe the Aztecs off the face of the earth. Even without their dedicated efforts, the sun kept shining, the rain kept falling and the crops kept growing, but most of the Aztecs weren't around to enjoy it.
Fortunately, Al has not so far called for any human sacrifices and appears to believe that sacrificing our quality of life (not including his, of course) will be sufficient to appease the climate gods. The truth is that the earth undergoes regular warming and cooling cycles which we have nothing to do with and no control over. The claim that human activity affects the climate is just a giant hoax dreamed up as an excuse to expand control over people. Naturally, there will have to be a carbon tax because standard liberal doctrine holds that the solution to any problem requires at least an increase in an existing tax and perhaps a new tax as well. Al's major claim for the need to control carbon dioxide is that it causes the earth to warm up. Unfortunately for this argument, study of numerous past cycles shows that the earth first warms up, then more carbon dioxide appears in the atmosphere as a result of the warming. This is an inconvenient truth Al would prefer you not think about too often. Whenever the power- crazy freaks in Washington tell you they are sure we all have to sacrifice to save the planet just remember that their kind among the Aztecs were equally sure about the 20,000 human sacrifices.