Supermarket Surround Sound
A new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and breathe in the aroma of chocolate milk. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "Where Does You Go To School?!"
Two bright young engineers applied for the same position at a computer company. Since they had identical qualifications, the company asked the two applicants to take a ten-question test. At the conclusion of the test, one of the applicants was called into the manager's office. "I have graded the test, and you both scored nine correct answers and got one answer wrong. Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."
"And why would you choose him if we both got nine questions correct?" asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager. "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
"Simple," said the Department manager, "The other gentleman answered Question #5, 'I don't know.' Your answer to Question #5 was, 'Neither do I.'"
A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference?"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop?
A Tale of Two Prawns
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted."
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed........
"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian!"