Peacock

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court and I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.

Masculine or Feminine

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.'' 'Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''
A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?'' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that ''computer'' should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computadora''), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine
(''el computador''), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE
the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little
longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Bad jokes

1. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
3. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
4. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
5. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a muscle.
6. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
7. The ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with sprinkles. Police say that he topped himself.
8. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
9. . A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"
10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
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