We want to believe, love, and trust in God, yet to do so can represent that which we cannot seem to let go. This internal strife wears on our soul. It makes us examine the suffering here on earth, including our own. Why do we love someone or something so much, yet cannot accept what they might in truth mean to our lives. It hurts, it leaves nothing else for us to lose, and we cannot live either way. I think we are all searching for comfort of the heart and of the soul. Why do we long to believe in a loving God, nevertheless do what we know despises God? We so desperately want to claim the unconditional forgiveness of Jesus, yet we still question our feelings about His love.
We all feel doubt about our faith at some point, even if we are not willing to admit it. This creates loneliness, which we reluctantly accept and becomes a burden we are uncomfortable to reveal. We deny our Lord and Savior altogether, with thoughts that maybe Jesus was not who he said he was. It's human nature to feel moments of doubt, no matter how strong our faith and certainly when times are bad. Thomas doubted, Peter denied. We are no different. I would argue we live in a much more confused world, a world that has secularized what was once holy. Our culture highlights the tendency of people who have been reared in a sort of fallen-away religious culture, yet still use religious language to describe things and events with no real spiritual significance. Love provides us with a sense of completeness and with contentment. Love enhances this thing called life, but I am not sure if it is the reason why we are all here.
Despite our connection to a global community, our common sense observes that modern society has moved in the direction of isolationism. It seems there are not many people who care about their consequences on other individuals unless it affects them directly. We may wish that the world could somehow rewind and that all our mistakes as humans could be undone. It is easy to get confused on what is right or wrong.
Government rarely meets the needs of those in trouble when help is needed, and society simply fails to notice. We do not recognize those who consistently do what is good and beneficial. But God is bigger than we can possibly imagine. God is not a businessman who always reimburses you for being good or is simply waiting to reject you when you are not. His kingdom is not part of some giant multinational corporation. Maybe we never understood, that the most important part of faith is the way we live towards accomplishing the spiritual. We must leave behind all the superficial things in our life and concentrate on what is really important.
God's grace takes away all of our sins no matter how unforgivable to the world. So when the universal discomfort of being human seems to create pain and heartbreak, merely reflect on the redemptive power of love. It can be argued that one can never know love, until you need grace. Only then can we understand the need for faith in something much bigger than ourselves. I am thankful for the hunger to touch the heart of God and the grace that allows me to stand transparent at that intersection of flesh and faith.
In Agamemnon the Greek poet Aeschylus wrote: "In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God." I know into every life some rain must fall. So when tears drop upon my heart like tiny droplets of rain, I know better days are on the horizon. I have learned to embrace the rain, just as I welcome the promised rainbow. When I feel the warm rain on those southern summer nights, it always reminds me of His love. The Love of God endures forever and despite the rain, His love will see us through the pain---no matter how awful.