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The French Lady
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, Madame. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Yanks do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road, and now you've thrown the wrong one out the window!
Worker dead at desk for five days.
Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for five days before anyone asked if he was feeling okay.
George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proofreader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend. His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything.
He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself." A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proof reading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died.
New York Times.
Lesson on how to deal with peace activists:
Since the war with Iraq began, many of us have encountered "Peace Activists" who have tried to convince us that we must refrain from retaliating against the ones who terrorized us all on September 11, 2001. These activists may be alone or in a gathering... most of us don't know how to react to them. When you come upon one of these people, or one of their rallies, here are the proper rules of etiquette:
1. Listen politely while this person explains their views. Strike up a conversation if necessary and look very interested in their ideas. They will tell you how revenge is immoral, and that by attacking the people who did this to us; we will only bring on more violence. They will probably use many arguments, ranging from political to religious to Humanitarian.
2. In the middle of their remarks, without any warning, punch them in the nose.
3. When the person gets up off of the ground, they will be very angry and they may try to hit you, so be careful.
4. Very quickly and calmly remind the person that violence only brings about more violence and remind them of their stand on this matter. Tell them if they are really committed to a nonviolent approach to undeserved attacks, they will turn the other cheek and negotiate a solution. Tell them they must lead by example if they really believe what they are saying.
5. Most of them will think for a moment and then agree that you are correct.
6. As soon as they do that, hit them again. Only this time hit them much harder. Square in the nose.
7. Repeat steps 2-6 until the desired results are obtained and the idiot realizes how stupid of an argument he/she is making.
8. There is no difference in an individual attacking an unsuspecting victim or a group of terrorists attacking a nation of people. It is unacceptable and must be dealt with. Perhaps at a high cost. We owe our Military a huge debt for what they are doing for us and our children. We must support them and our leaders at times like these.
We have no choice. We either strike back, VERY HARD, or we will keep getting hit in the nose.
Lesson over!!!!!!
'John P*ss' loses passport bid.
A Melbourne Australia man is going nowhere with his adopted name, Prime Minister John P*ss The Family Court and Legal Aid, a federal magistrate ruled.
The 57-year-old, from suburban Seaford, already uses the name on his driver's license and on banking and medical records. And after adopting the name in 1997, he ran as a candidate with it in the 1998 federal election in Prime Minister John Howard's seat of Bennelong in NSW. But the man, who happily answers to John, ran into trouble when he decided to go international with his unique moniker. The Melbourne office of Passports Australia initially granted him a passport with that name - minus the "the" - in 1998 but later canceled it altogether. The office said the name could reasonably be considered to be offensive because it contained an expletive and a title not legitimately acquired. The Administrative Appeals Tribunal upheld that decision and Federal Magistrate Murray McInnis also agreed in his ruling.
The passports office had the power to use its discretion to reject the name and "correctly made reference to dictionary definitions", Federal Magistrate McInnis found.
"It was entitled to find that the name `P*ss' is offensive having regard to the ordinary definitions," he said.
AAP
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