REALM OF REALITY

I just bet you expect me to tell you about the story of my husbands youthful antic of dumping over porta potties don't ya. Actually he confessed as a teen he and his buddies from school would go out at night and shift the outhouses by moving them 2 to 3 feet back. He said it was very dark and no one could see especially when they had to make a late night run to the outhouse, and well you know what the outcome was, they fell right in all that mess. Oh I am sure he was an honest young man but you know he didn't own up to that one.
I asked him who were a few of their victims, he chuckled and said " The Principal". He said he even done that at his own house and his Dad said if he ever found out who done that, well it would sure be a tragedy.
The porta potty issue is really a question I have about the seats of today. I want to know who in the world invented the plastic bolts and wing nuts that hold the toilet seat on. Why they must have been smoking that wacky stuff to think of that.
You know all of us who have updated our toilet needs to know is that when we had galvanized or brass nuts and bolts for the seats we NEVER experience the slide method. Oh yeah, I hear you laughing now and saying "Oh I can relate to that."
For those of you who remember the Jackie Gleason show he would always say something like "one of these days Alice ... Slam bang To The Moon Alice." Anyway it was like that, you just slip slided away ever since they came out with those plastic hardware as they call it. Well it's not been too hardy, they need to leave the things that aren't broken alone and fix only those things that are.
I would rather attempt to  replace a rusted or dysfunctional bolt than my tail bone among other things. Puts a whole new idea to telling the kids the toilet monster will get you. This is one time I would say yes to heavy metal.
OK so  no one I know writes about toilet seats. But lets face it (no pun intended).  It is an item that has been around for a very long time, in fact 99% of all households own at least one of these pieces of furniture. That's right, it is actually considered furniture and it is used an awful lot. I was going to explain how much but you better go to the web site, yeah they have several on toilets.
Bet you didn't know that and there is a lot of really kewl information on toilets, just because it is a strange subject or a unique one. You know O'Keefe the artist, well she is even in on it, kewl huh! Now that is what I call art. I went to one web site - Toiletology 101 - I found this knowledgeable excerpt "What was the first television program that depicted a toilet? Believe it or not, TV's first toilet was seen on the pilot episode of Leave it to Beaver in the early 1960s. In the episode, Wally and the Beave bring home a baby alligator and hide it in the toilet tank. Tight camera angles were used so that only the tank could be seen on the show. The "seat" portion of the toilet was never shown because people in the early 60s did not go to the bathroom." So if  you are interested in maintaining proper care or the results of flushes and double flushes, go directly to your search engine and type in "How many flushes does it take to get to the center of the earth."
Just kidding.
 
BLOWIN IN THE WIND

Hey, hey, hay. Wow did I ever get a new form of saying that. We were reseeding our yard. So rather than throw the straw on top of the seed, which was a lot of work, my beloved husband rented a straw blower. Yippee I thought as I knew we would save time especially since it was going to rain the next day. My husband (Lynn) said I could hold the shooting hose cause I wouldn't have to worry about getting the straw all

Toneeke's Hay Ride

over me. Well I couldn't pick up a bale if I wanted to - it's too heavy and you have to place it on a ledge taller than me. Now that was a trick.
He started up the machine and said "ready" and of course I said "yes." No one ever warned me the air gusting out that big tube was at least 100 miles per hour. I seen straw going everywhere, it looked like Christmas with manila colored snow. No one warned me that I would be catapulted into the air riding a wild straw monster. Why, I was flung around like a rag doll, OK well almost but I did go in the air...  and yes I laughed.

Cartoon by Toneeke Henderson

Then my dear Lynn told me to feed the straw machine and he would control the straw monster. That was easy, he stopped to reload the machine top for me and I held down that giant air wifting hose. Each time he would just get going great with the spraying of the straw, then he would have to reload. One thing I must say is, WEAR SAFETY GLASSES. Why I almost had my eyes poked out. When we were through I had removed my goggles and according to my husband's story I still had straw goggles on. I was looking more like a scarecrow than a real one. I had so much straw in my hair I thought if I wash this it'll start sprouting. Now that could be good - that would be real herbal hair care. (laughing). I really didn't mind the job, it was a bit fun.
The straw is in little cubes in case you never knew that. So every little slice fell loose, slid right in the machine and was spit out at a 100 miles an hour making it look like a really warm winter in the start of spring. I am happy to announce that the grass seed is now standing at attention and waving it's new found blades for the world to see. Kewl Huh!
This is the part I always love to do. No, not make the editor nervous because as usual he thinks I will be late getting this article sent to him, but he always saves me a place anyway. So I will sum this up to give him a sigh of relief and a chance to say I'm Nuts.
So here we go: Don't do away with what works best, sometimes the new advanced materials are worse than what we had to begin with. At least metal can be reused, OK maybe not from the toilet but you don't have replaceable tail bones either. DUCK tape everyone, it's great for everything, and it's cheaper than replacing the plastic bolts. So if you have a chance to slide in this life time, do it carefully and with dignity, duck tape keeps you from swearing.
Next if you ever want to know what it's like to be a scarecrow or just want to have a great early winter party, find a yard to re-seed and join in the fun. It is earth friendly, environmentally expressive and when you are finished with the nativity scene you can recycle the straw. So in  essence, slide with a little class, and keep the cycle of the earth flowing or was that blowin.