The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland Tennessee (TN) and Bradley County Tennessee (Tn).

Of Bradley County Tn.

MARCH  2012






Funny Stories and Jokes Puzzles and Quotes

Things You Didn't Know
That You Didn't Know

All the jokes and funny stories in this section were sent to The People News by our readers. If you come across a "funny" or something you feel may be suitable, please e-mail to and we will try to include it in an upcoming issue

Church Bulletins

You May Party In Hell. But You Will Be the Barbeque.

Keep Using My Name In Vain and I'll Make Rush Hour Longer. - God

There Are Some Questions That Can't Be Answered By Google.

Honk If You Love Jesus. Text While Driving If You Want To Meet Him.

Thou Shall Not Steal The Copper Wire From The AC Unit.

Read The Bible. It's User Friendly, Plus We Offer Free Tech Support Here On Sundays.

'Church Parking' Trespassers Will Be Baptized.

"Who's Your Daddy?"

To Be Almost Saved Is To Be Totally Lost.

How Do We make Holy Water? We Boil The Hell Out Of It!

Adam Blamed Eve. Eve Blamed The Snake. And The Snake Didn't have A Leg To Stand On.

Every Day Above Ground Is A Good One.

The jokes on this page were sent to The People News by our readers.

It's a Southern Thang

Southerners know their summer weather report:

Southerners know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southerners know everybody's first name:

Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southerners know their religions:

Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Foat Wuth

Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain't right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your little heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!