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More Super Bowl Fallout
Immediately following the Super Bowl, George W. Bush called the Patriots and complemented them on a great game.
Al Gore called the Panthers and said he thought they were robbed.
Bill Clinton called Janet Jackson.
Liberal vs. Conservatives vs. Southerners
How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners?
Pose the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .45, and you are an expert shot. You have mere 1.2 seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the "Law" say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative Answer:
BANG!
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click... (sounds of reloading). Wife: "Sweet heart, he looks like he's still moving... What do you kids think?" Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it, too." BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
Interesting Quotes by Women
Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong-
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The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)-
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I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber-
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin-
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A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow-
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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky-
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck-
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Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis-
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A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome-
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The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman-
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Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited-
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Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton-
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Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen-
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I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-
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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine-
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When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley-
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I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb .. and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton-
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If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-
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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-
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When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-
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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-
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In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man- if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-
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I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem-
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I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-
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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-
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