On marriage

Paul Newman said......
Chose carefully, your Life partner, from whence comes 95% of your happiness or misery.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing."
Oscar Wilde
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavrac
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

To Be 6 Again...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"

Comparisons

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" and "My Life" by Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report,with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:.... cost - $29.99
Clinton :..... cost - $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :..... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:.... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :..... Bill is a BS artist.
Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :..... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton :..... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton :..... Let's not go there.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton :.... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton :..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.
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