by Greg Cain

John Kerry has secured the Democrat nomination for president, his next major initiative will be to select a vice presidential nominee that can lead him in his walk down the "yellow brick road" in November. Unfortunately, he has so many great stellar leaders in the Democrat party to choose from, that his choice will probably be the hardest thing he has ever had to do.

In an effort to make the Democrat ticket appealing to the West Coast  I'm suggesting the following stellar candidates from the esteemed leaders in California.

Jane Fonda - Jane has been a long time friend and true party faithful for over 30 years.  She is widely respected and held in as true esteem as the party's matriarch Mother Hillary.  However, there are a few "silly" minority veterans that might not support her.

Barbara Streisand - Barbara would be a great nominee because she could raise a lot of money with no questions asked.  If John is to secure the presidency he will need to raise a lot of money from individuals who know nothing and do not wish to change that.

Sean Penn - Sean would bring all of the cigarette smokers back to the White House.  He also brings much knowledge of international affairs, especially in the Middle East.

In an effort to shore up the support from the black brothers and sisters in the party John may consider:

Carol Moseley Braun - Carol amassed so many votes in the primaries that she surely will be at the top of his list.

Lewis Farrakhan - The only drawback to Lewis being on the ticket is his shyness.  If they can only train him to say what's on his mind he will be a powerful leader in the Democrat party. 
In an effort to pickup more southern Democrat votes John may consider the following:

Bubba Sixpack - Unfortunately, Bubba has gone fishing and is not expected back until his cooler is empty.

Janet Reno - After her unsuccessful bid for the governorship of Florida she in looking for a job.  Hispanics will flock to her because of her no-nonsense policy on sending immigrants back to Cuba.
The legal beagles will rally behind:

Bob Torricelli - Any senator that can get by with as much as he has gotten by with, and not be sent to jail, has got to be someone held and high esteem by the legal profession.

Larry Flint - Larry is a very strong proponent of writing new pornography laws.  He will be most helpful in defining the meaning of the word "is."
The supporters of handicapped rights movement will unite behind:

Howard Dean - Just think of the money that could be saved with only one name on the campaign buttons, "Dumb and Dumber."

The supporters of the nations homemakers will come together behind:
Martha Stewart - Martha speaks the language of working women all around the nation and will garner almost 100 percent of their votes.

As you can see there are numerous great candidates to go on the ticket.  Over the next few months the national media will do a magnificent job in showing that the only difference between John Kerry and Clark Kent is that John is not harmed by Kryptonite.