The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland Tennessee (TN) and Bradley County Tennessee (Tn).





Of Bradley County Tn.


JUNE  2003

                            The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland and Bradley County Tn.

HOME

MORE STORIES

EDITORIALS

LETTERS

E-MAIL

Funny Stories and Jokes

Puzzles and Quotes

Things You Didn't Know
That You Didn't Know


Deadly Virus

There is a new virus: Code name is "work". If you receive "work", from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or anywhere else, do not touch it under any circumstances!! This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with this virus, put on your jacket and go to the nearest pub, order a beer and after repeating 10 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain. Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that this virus has already infected you, and "work" already controls your whole life. This virus if left untreated is often deadly.

Another virus warning

Researchers have discovered that a strain of the Nile Virus has been around for years without anyone realizing it. It is a type that even the most advanced anti-virus programs from Norton cannot kill.  For some reason, this virus appears to affect primarily those PC operators who were born before 1963. It's name is the C type virus or C-Nile Virus.
Symptoms of C-Nile Virus are:
1. Causes you to send same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send back the message to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished
Follow-up warning:
There's a bizarre but related virus that often accompanies this virus -- it causes the person to violently reject the idea that he/she has been affected by the C-nile virus. This virulent partner virus is the D-Nile Virus.


Believe it or not

Power Plant Fitness Freak
from DarwinAwards.com
This tale was unearthed during a safety seminar at a power plant in the southern United States. It was a coal-burning power plant, and an employee named Jack had the responsibility of supervising the coal runner. The runner resembled a small treadmill, and transported coal from the hopper to the burner. Jack was stationed near the hopper chute, and watched to make sure nothing blocked the flow of coal, and that nothing inappropriate was burned. One day, Jack's co-workers returned from their break to find Jack missing. All that remained was his lunch pail and, curiously, his work boots. No one could explain his continuing absence. After several days, the company launched an investigation. The truth came to light, though it took a bit of persuasion to extract the story from his reluctant co-workers. Jack's doctor had recently warned him that his cholesterol and blood pressure were both dangerously high. The doctor suggested regular mild exercise. Jack had little spare time on his hands, but thought that he could fit in some exercise during his lunch break. Jack would eat his lunch, and then change into sneakers and hop onto the coal runner to jog until his break was over. Because he was self-conscious about his weight, he always made sure nobody was around when he exercised. Jack's body was never found. Fortunately he had confided his novel exercise regime to a few people at the power plant, or we would never have learned of his tragic demise. Jack must have passed out and been converted into power for hundreds of homes, paving the way for a new, ecologically sound replacement for fossil fuels

The jokes on this page were sent to The People News by our readers.

HOME

MORE STORIES

EDITORIALS

LETTERS

E-MAIL