The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland Tennessee (TN) and Bradley County Tennessee (Tn).

Of Bradley County Tn.







Funny Stories and Jokes Puzzles and Quotes

Things You Didn't Know
That You Didn't Know

All the jokes and funny stories in this section were sent to The People News by our readers. If you come across a "funny" or something you feel may be suitable, please e-mail to and we will try to include it in an upcoming issue

Why God Created Eve

God was worried that Adam would become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

God knew that Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out, and would need Eve to make sure he was decent.

God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote control.

God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor, dentist, or haircut appointment by himself.

God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage out by the curb.

God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

God knew Adam had to do his job as the Keeper of the Garden, and would need Eve to remind him where he left his tools.

Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."

And the main reason why God created Eve...

When God finished creating Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

Hearing Problem

An elderly retired gentleman had had severe hearing problems for some time. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before.

One month later, the elderly man went back again to the doctor. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Fishing trip

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long-johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage, hooked the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the entire day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that junk?"

E-mail confusion

From the United States comes the following story which reinforces the need to get E-mail addresses correct. After being nearly snowbound for two weeks, during the winter, a Seattle man departed for Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day, at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis.They were looking forward to some warm, pleasant weather and enjoying a break from the children. Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at the Departure Gate and the man was informed he would have to travel on a later flight. He tried to have the decision reversed but was told he had no alternative but to travel on the later flight. On arrival, he found Miami Beach was having a heat wave and the weather was as uncomfortably hot, as Seattle's was cold. The receptionist gave him a message that his wife would arrive later in the day. He could hardly wait to get to the pool. So he hurriedly sent his wife an E-mail message, but because of his haste made an error in the address. As a result, his message arrived at the home of an elderly widow, whose preacher husband had been buried the day before. The grieving widow opened her E-mail, took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream and promptly had a heart attack. When her family found her, the following message was still on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Departed yesterday, as you know.  Just now checked in.  Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival.

Your loving husband.

P.S. Things are not as we thought. You will be surprised how hot it is down here.

The jokes on this page were sent to The People News by our readers.

So This is Why Our Schools Receive Such Praise...

Real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district...(spellings have been left intact.)

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s. [note: words in ( )'s were crossed out]. 
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots  leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept billie home because she had t o go christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't ! be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.