A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony, who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, "I hope she appreciated the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
Questions and Answers from AARP (American Association of Retired People) Forum
Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible...Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's hindquarters all the way to Egypt."
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem; Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
Year-to-date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:
Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blonds 3
My One And Only
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?"
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love.'"
The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir. How very romantic of you."
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."