Geography Lesson

"It's clear" said the teacher, "that you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?"
"Well my dad says the world is changing every day, so I decided to wait until it settles down!"

Coffee on the go

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem, " she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

Prayer

I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I  haven't gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. In a few minutes, though, I'm going to get out of bed. From then on, I'm probably going to need a LOT of help.
Amen.

IRS Letter

Dear IRS,
I would like to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.

9 Life Observations

1. Sign in a Chinese pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
2. I have my own little world. But it's okay, they know me here.
3. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
4. If  flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
5. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
6. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
7. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a couple of bucks at the bowling alley.
8. I am a nobody, and nobody's perfect; therefore I am perfect.
9. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Ironic Word Jumble

Dormitory:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Dirty Room
Presbyterian:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Best in Prayer
Astronomer:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Moon Starer
Desperation:
When you rearrange the
letters:
A Rope Ends it
The Eyes:
When you rearrange the
letters:
They See
The Morse Code:
When you rearrange the
letters:
here come dots
Slot Machines:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Cash Lost in Me
Animosity:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Is no Amity
Election Results:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Lies - Let's Recount
Snooze Alarms:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Alas! No More Z's
A Decimal Point:
When you rearrange the
letters:
A Dot in Place
The Earthquakes:
When you rearrange the
letters:
That Queer Shake
Eleven Plus Two:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Twelve Plus One
Mother-in-Law:
When you rearrange the
letters:
Woman Hitler

Spring Fever

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
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