The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland Tennessee (TN) and Bradley County Tennessee (Tn).

Of Bradley County Tn.


                            The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland and Bradley County Tn.








by Toneeke Henderson

Isn't it wonderful having a chance to purchase a ticket or participate in a school raffle. Donating a dollar for a chance at a half of a cow. How about that shotgun that Billy Bob won from that shooters bingo board.

Maybe we could win $10,000.00 on a board at work for five dollars input, hey let me in on that one. Everything is a game of chance if you really look at it.

What made me think of this is a commercial on TV. They talk about way too many things and no real direction. OK, well let's look at the one about replacements, yeah you know if your TV doesn't work, buy another one. If you don't like your job, get another one. If your not happy with your wife or husband, get another one.

Then we get into silly commercials like Erectile Dysfunctions.

Oh Yeah, now that's a winner. They seem to have an answer for everything. OK, if you have "E.D." or as they say Erectile Dysfunction, you don't get a new body part but you can take this pill. I really laugh out loud now, you see the side effects beyond the intended male enhancement, may cause a painful and possible four-hour tour and a visit to the emergency room. Not to mention the grand prizes. Oh they talk so fast you can barely catch what they say.

Toneeke Henderson

For the small lottery of luck you may acquire from the use of the "E.D." pill you could also have the following side effects before, during, and after your four-hour tour. Shortness of breath, the possibility of a stroke. A sudden drop in blood pressure. There is the possibility of dizziness without fainting. Chest pains, which may indicate a heart attack.

Then there are the good ones, like pain and diarrhea. The possibility of malfunctioning, or you could go blind. I am sorry, but I am having so much fun laughing about the vain habits of humans. I can tell you I have seen some stuff on there for women too. But people lets look at reality.

Nothing is guaranteed and everyting has a price. In reality I know it is not a laughing matter when a man thinks something is failing. It is an emotional and conscious burden to some men. Let's call this their menopause.

You see when things start malfunctioning for either sex, well it is not the end of the world. A very wise person once told me, that it is a popular belief that each person only has so many turns at intimate physical enjoyment. When you have used all your turns up, then that's it.

There are a lot of things to consider. OK, stress can be an issue for some who have that inability to perform if you will. Perhaps it is depression, or being overweight. Small things that can be adjusted can make a big difference in a person's life. You have to encourage and believe in what you want to achieve.

As one doctor put it, it's a thinking thing. The other side of the coin is very simple, when things break down and stop working in the manner you are accustomed to, there is acceptance that you are now on a deserving vacation. Not everything is supposed to be fixed in life. Enjoy the freedom.

Just because they make a pill doesn't make it work. You ask how this is related to the lottery, well you have one in 485,000 chance that you won't have the same problems or worse by taking that lil'ol' male enhancing pill. Gals, this means you too! Is it worth the


Now lets talk about those car lots who want to get you in there to waste an entire day just to fake you out over a free prize. Nada, ain't gonna happen. Sales pitches, and junk is all you get.

How about the guy who will buy your house today and you name the price? Nada, ain't gonna happen. He sees what you owe on it and he won't give you a dime. You walk away with nothing. Rip Off Charlie's.

What about the sign guys who promise to make your signs and you never get a call

back, well find another sign guy.

Then there is the good old pawnshop; yeah, you know why they have those three balls on their logos… It's a two to one you won't be back. And most people don't go back, that's why they are pawnshops.

I guess the biggest gamble we have isn't the issues on which lottery we play, but what it costs to play. The biggest lottery game we have right now is one that every American will probably be active in, and that is the voting of a new president.

I could give you my predictions if you want, but it would probably make a few people mad. So what I will say is,

(Republicans) John McCain, is all teeth and beady eyes and sounds just like what we already have in the white house… eeert. (He is too old and he will have major health problems.)

Giuliani still just skirts on the tail of 911 and is a crook, so I guess that would leave the other guy.

(Democrats) John Edwards sounds like a nice guy but his own state didn't tally up for him.

Hillary Clinton. She is a woman and all women like to have control.

Barack Obama, he runs a tight race.

So there ya go.

Now lets sum this up with 2 sure predictions.

#1. My editor is having a stroke because I am late on my article.

#2 My editor is having a second stroke because of my topic on E.D.

So in the jest of all good things, know when you donate a dollar for a raffle you will get a chance at something, when you want a change you have to make it yourself. If you have E.D just remember God loves you just the way you are and you can pee on everyone else. I now hand my bowl of wheaties and laughter over to the next guy in line.

Be careful of the zippers in the cold winter weather, they are treacherous.

You can e-mail Toneeke at:
or you can also write to Toneeke at PO box 247, Calhoun, TN. 37309.