High-tech barman

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have".
The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please".
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ".
The man answered "Oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, interstellar space travel, the latest medical break-throughs, etc.
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have. "A martini please".
Again it was superb. The robot again asked. "What is your IQ sir".
This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100".
The robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time. He left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ".
This time the man drawled out, "Uh... about 50".
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked...
A-r-e.. y-o-u-r.. p-e-o-p-l-e.. g-o-i-n-g.. t-o.. n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e.. H-i-l-l-a-r-y?

A Bad Chainsaw

A good ole boy by the name of Rex goes into a hardware store and asks about the various chainsaws for sale. "I need a good one, as I've got to cut down lots of trees in my back garden." he tells the dealer. The dealer sells him the latest top-of-the-range chainsaw and says "This saw will cut down
hundreds of trees a day, no problem!"
So, Rex takes the chainsaw home and begins cutting down his trees. After cutting for several hours, he has only managed to cut down 2 small trees. He thinks to himself, this is hard work and decides to quit for the day. "I'll start early tomorrow." the man says to himself.
Next morning the man gets up at 6am. He cuts all day but still only manages
to cut down 5 trees. Rex is convinced he's been sold a bad saw. "I'll take this saw back to the store tomorrow and complain!" he mutters.
The very next day, Rex takes the chainsaw back to the store and confronts the dealer with his problem. The dealer baffled by the Rex's claim, removes the chainsaw from it's case and says, "Hmm, looks fine to me but I'll test it for you myself."
The dealer starts up the chainsaw.
To which the Rex responds, "What's that loud noise?"

A Wish For The Faithful

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden,
he said out of the blue, "Lord, please grant me one wish."
The sky clouded over above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have been faithful to me in every way, I will grant you one
wish."
The man said, "Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive across anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can
do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would
honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a very long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know
how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "Do you want two or three lanes on that bridge?"
.