by Joe Kirkpatrick

It's been a while since I have written a column about smoking, and to be honest, I have changed my attitude about the subject.  I've been thinking recently about the brave men and women who smoke, and decided I should have a "Smoker's Hall of Fame" to recognize the person who has done the most to uplift the tobacco industry and to keep it profitable.

As with any contest, I am going to announce the runner-ups before I announce the winner. 

The fourth runner up is a fellow who recently wrote the Bradley News Weekly.  This man wrote to speak out against all the restaurants in Bradley County who say on Sundays, "smokers stay away," and "no smokers wanted or allowed."  He further stated he wishes things could return to the "good ole days" when you could "smoke in almost any restaurant or building or where ever."  Well, I hate to break it to him, but no restaurant in Bradley County bans smokers on Sundays.  Smokers are still welcome to go into these restaurants on Sundays, even though their clothes and breath may reek of smoke - the restaurants just ask that for about 30 minutes, they go without a cigarette.  This man is

nominated because he evidently is so addicted he cannot go more than 30 minutes at a time without making his personal contribution to the tobacco industry.

The third runner up is a couple of employees who work at Dr. Krueger's office on Worth Street.  For those of you who don't know, Dr. Krueger only treats patients with cancer.  I passed by her office a couple of years ago, and two of her employees were standing out front taking a smoke break.  I looked around to see if I could see their seeing eye dog, because they obviously were blind and could not see what was going on inside.

These two ladies are nominated because they can see the devastating effects of smoking firsthand on a daily basis, but are still strong willed enough to forge ahead to do their part to make sure the tobacco industry stays profitable. Also, they must like their boss so well they want to become one of her patients someday.

The second runner up is three ladies from a local home health care company.  One day, it was below freezing, the wind was blowing, and it was sleeting.  I drove by a home health care company and three women were huddled up under the narrow overhang at the front of the building taking a smoke break.  These three women are nominated, because just like mail men, despite "rain, sleet, or snow," they are determined to do their part to help the tobacco industry stay profitable - no matter how idiotic they look to people passing by!

Our first runner up is a brave smoking soul from the big snow of 1993.  On Michigan Avenue, the snow was almost waist deep in most places.  A friend of mine lived in Foxfire, which isn't too far from the end of Stuart Road.  He had gone out for a short walk, when he encountered a man battling his way through the deep snow.  The man asked, "Do you know if there is a convenience store open out here any where?"  My friend told him he didn't know, and the man replied "I came from all the way out on Spring Place Road, and I'm trying to find a place to get a pack of cigarettes."  This man is nominated because he makes the old saying "I'd walk a mile for a camel" look pale!

Now, for the winner - the person who represents best what the tobacco industry would describe as the "consement  smoker."  I'm talking about a man who will give up almost everything for his cigarettes.  A man who should be held high amongst all other smokers worldwide.  A man whose image should be made into a statue and placed in front of the R.J. Reynolds Building.

The man I am talking about is a life long smoker - a tribute in itself to the industry.  But this man goes well beyond that.  After his leg was severely burned, he stayed in the burn unit at Erlanger for three months, he went home and started smoking again.  Despite being a diabetic, which further complicates his condition, he still continued to smoke.  After several months, his leg was not healing, and was beginning to show signs of dying.  His doctor told him, "either quit smoking or we are going to take your leg."  I don't know if he stopped or not.  But, if you see a one legged man walking around with his crutch, happily nursing a cigarette in his mouth, you'll know it is probably him.  Go up and congratulate him on being inducted into the Tobacco Industry Hall of Fame!