by Jennifer Bowman
It is the end!
No, it's not the end of Michael Jackson's late night sleepovers. Yet. My dear friends, elves, and hobbits - it is the end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. On December 17th, mass crowds of oddly dressed fanatics will rush to the nearest theater to finally see The Return of the King, the ending to J.R.R. Tolkien's epic stories. And LOTR is going to kick Star Wars' laser-white rear end.
I don't know about you, but my family has been completely obsessed with this Oscar-worthy (hint, hint) journey ever since The Fellowship of the Ring way back in 2001. Even my mother, who isn't a big fan of movies that require triple digit IQ's to see, loves the LOTR simply because it is nearly an all-hunk cast of incredibly hot guys. I mean, who knew Orlando Bloom would look so good in tights? Who even knew who he was?
I have been waiting anxiously all year for this. Seriously. Ever since I saw The Two Towers a year ago, there have been visions of Billy Boyd and Elijah Wood dancing in my head. I mean, Christmas is okay, but the real deal in December for the last two years has been the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
But what happens after the Return of the King? I mean, we can wait for it to come out on DVD with a few awards to its name, but what is there to live for, really? Well, you could actually read the books. And I'm guessing Peter Jackson will continue to make superb movies.
Speaking of Jackson, we're all officially invited to Neverland Ranch to see the Prince of Pop sing. He needs help to pay off that 3 million dollar bail.
There's simply been too much media attention on poor Michael Jackson. I don't think he did it. His accusers are twelve and fourteen years old, for crying out loud! You know he doesn't take anyone over ten.
Is this the end of his career? What will happen to him? He just put out his Number Ones CD, and usually that means the star is old, outdated, and will go away. Finally. Hopefully.
Some people are trying to make this into a racism case. Jermaine Jackson, his own brother, called this a "modern day lynching". One lady on The O'Reilly Factor said they were only accusing him because he was black. Um, you have to actually BE black to make a claim like that. Sigh.
If you think that is stupid, there was a kid who sued a toy store after the security guard embarrassed him when the kid tried to walk out of a store with a stolen toy. Only in America can we sue someone for doing his or her job.
Media and movies and music all seem to be going down the tube. But don't worry, we still have the People News, the Lord of the Rings, and two of the Beatles left. We shall carry on!
Merry Christmas, Cleveland!