The People News, a free newspaper serving Cleveland Tennessee (TN) and Bradley County Tennessee (Tn).





Of Bradley County Tn.

AUGUST  2013

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Funny Stories and Jokes Puzzles and Quotes

Things You Didn't Know
That You Didn't Know

All the jokes and funny stories in this section were sent to The People News by our readers. If you come across a "funny" or something you feel may be suitable, please e-mail to ThePeopleNews@aol.com and we will try to include it in an upcoming issue


Did You Hear?

Bob: "Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal?"
Jim: "You mean the Mexican gun running?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "You mean SEAL Team 6 Extortion 17?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "You mean the voter fraud?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "You mean the president demoralizing and breaking down the military?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "You mean the Boston Bombing?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "You mean the president wanting to kill Americans with drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "You mean the president arming the Muslim Brotherhood?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "The IRS targeting conservatives?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "The DOJ spying on the press?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "The NSA monitoring our phone calls, e-mails and everything else?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "The president's ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons and falsely blaming the sequester?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "The president's threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "The president's repeated violation of the law requiring him to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "The president's unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate's advise-and-consent role?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "The State Department interfering with an Inspector General Investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "HHS employees being given insider information on Medicare Advantage?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "Clinton, the IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?"
Bob: "No, the other one."

Jim: "I give up! Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters stuck us with the most corrupt administration in American history...again?"
Bob: "THAT'S THE ONE!"

The jokes on this page were sent to The People News by our readers.


JFK

New York (CNN): At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

According law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Psychic Hotline

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says his advisor, "in her biology class."

Organic Vegetables

A woman called her husband during the day and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for that night's dinner on his way home.

The husband arrived at the store and began to search all over for organic vegetables before finally asking the produce guy where they were. The produce guy didn't know what he was talking about, so the husband said: "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with poisonous chemicals?"

To which the produce guy replied, "No, sir, you will have to do that yourself."

Back to School

Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

"Wait just a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!; couldn't you show me the same courtesy?"

Card Reading

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?"

His response is, "My mother can." The teacher replies in disbelief, "Really?"

The young boy is quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."

.

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