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Welfare Applications
For those who are unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a certain level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.
-I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven, but one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
-I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
-Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
-I cannot get sick pay. I have six children, can you tell me why?
-I am glad to report that my husband, who is missing, is dead.
-This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
-Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows.
-I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
-In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.
-I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.
-My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
-Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
-You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?
-I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.
-I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
-In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
Related Confusion
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?"
He got the following reply:
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.
So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.
But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"
After staring blankly with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: "Move over!"
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