Breaking The Silence

Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the Chief Priest said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so." Brother John lived in the monastery for a full year before the Chief Priest said to him: "Brother John, you have been here a year now, you may speak two words." Brother John said, "Hard Bed." "I'm sorry to hear that" the Chief Priest said.  "We will get you a better bed." The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest. "You may say another two words Brother John." "Cold Food." said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future. On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest again called Brother John into his office.  "Two words you may say today." "I Quit." said Brother John. "It is probably best." said the Chief Priest.  "All you have done since you got here is complain."

Harold

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold". At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute -how come you called God 'Harold'"? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy Name."

School Prayer

One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer: "Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test, If I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take."

Boy's Prayer

A little boy's prayer: "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're going to be in a big mess."

Mother's Prayer

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!".

Girl's Prayer

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?". "I wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said. The little girl bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Man eats 19,000 Big Macs

DON Gorske is already in the Guinness Book of World Records for eating Big Macs - but it's not about the fame anymore. Gorske, who downed his 19,000th Big Mac in May, said he wouldn't know what else to eat if it weren't for Big Macs. "I'd be clueless," he said, adding that he ate a piece of pizza recently, but it "just wasn't the same." "It wasn't my first choice," he said.  Gorske, 49, of Fond du Lac, eats two Big Macs per day and drinks little else beside Coke. He also keeps track of everything he eats in a notebook.  "I admit I'm obsessive compulsive," he says. "I have so many compulsions."  At 6 feet tall and almost 85kg, Gorske said he proves that foods you love don't have to make you fat.  In fact, attorneys defending McDonald's against a lawsuit claiming its food makes people fat used Gorske as an example of someone who frequently ate fast food but stayed slim.
The Associated Press

1000 Wives

While being interviewed, wise old King Soloman was asked why he had 1000 wives. His reply. "Well, with 1000 wives.... hopefully at least one of them won't have a headache.